Saturday, March 28, 2015

If You Give a Kid a Cookie Will He Shut the F*ck Up? - Indeed

Pros: Hilarious, excellent illustrations
Cons: Only if this type of humor isn't your bag.
The Bottom Line: The answer to the title is yes – but only if you're ready for a string of additional consequences to follow.

In the back room one day I was sorting through piles of books left behind by the receiving manager.  When I hit the kids pile I discovered this book.  I also discovered that this was not a children's book.  The second I saw the cover with the bite in the cookie acting as a "u" for the word "fuck" I knew this was something else.

In the tradition (that seems to be picking up speed) of Go the F*ck to Sleep, this book is a parody of the classic, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.  But this book needs to stay on the top shelf away from little hands, otherwise they'll be asking about the roosters and the police - not to mention some of the language - in this book.

Yes friends, it starts out simply enough.  If you give a kid a cookie, will he shut the f*ck up?  Perhaps for a little while, but you need to take into account sugar rushes, drunken uncles that don't answer the phone, cock fights, police arrests, and potential divorces.  It's a short book, the length of the average children's picture book, but author Marcy Roznick covers all the necessary bases here in order to go full circle with maximum hilarity.

I actually stopped work to read it, I admit.  I laughed almost the entire way through the book.  When one of my managers popped in, I promptly showed it to her.  She got a kick out of it as well.  Not long after that, our community relations manager came striding in and said, "Okay, where's the book?" and read it as well.  Everyone's favorite part was the cock fight, or as Roznick so eloquently puts it, "stop to watch the birdies."

But this book wouldn't be anywhere if it weren't for Miranda Lemming's illustrations.  They are, in fact, rather adorable.  The kids are actually cute, the pictures were bright and perky and the combination of the story and the perfectly executed children's book style drawings went together like peanut butter and jelly.  I thought the roosters were really cute, and when everyone is in jail, take a closer look at the little daughter in the background.  Yes.  Another type of birdie appears.

It's unexpected, but very funny.  I love the illustrations and the way the events connected were great.  And hey, everything even works out! (sort of)  And honestly, what parent hasn't thought this very thing from time to time?  I'm don't have kids, but I'm not stupid either.  (Hey, I work in retail, so I hear plenty of kids screaming their lungs out. Don't tell me the parents are wondering on how to get them to shut the f*ck up.)

This book is perfect if you're a parent in need of a laugh, want a great gag gift for expecting parents, or for whatever reason you can think of.  Point is, you should at least head over to the bookstore and read it.  I guarantee the employees will hear you giggling on the other side of the bookshelves.


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